Sunday Surprise
Morning Comrades! I know surprise Sunday and all that. I wanted to forward you an email I wrote earlier in the week for the paying subscribers of this newsletter for two reasons. One, it caused it a significant amount of discussion that I wanted to open up to everyone on here and secondly to advertise ( yeah, I still gotta pay rent and shit ) what happens behind this awkward paywall here. Before that, just a subtle reminder that these two t-shirts are on sale today, for the very last time ever. This rip will never be made again so you know what to do. Thanks in advance for your time and support and enjoy this discourse at your leisure.
During several DM conversations the other day I nonchalantly typed up the above in response to an off-the-cuff shit post I made on IG and what I wrote hasn’t really left my headspace since then. So this is where we are going with this today. I have a serious content question for you after this topic, so if this isn’t for you I would appreciate if you could scroll down and get back to me.
Honesty being the writers most brutal companion, some disclosure before I get into this one. I’ve had three “classic”, for a lack of a better word, relationships in my life, all of which failed utterly. Whilst I am not going to waste anyones time going through the details, the fault here mostly lies with me. Coming out of an abusive childhood I navigated towards partners that resembled the poisonous relationship I had with my narcissistic, mentally unstable mother. It’s a thing, but we aren’t at therapy here so I will leave it at that. I do find that bit of information important to note before hand so that you have a chance to put these musings into a better context.
On a surface level it is relatively simple to explain the above statement in marxist terms and without much room for a counter debate. The atomic family model of heteronormative, monogamous relationships serves the capitalistic - patriarchal system at its smallest unit, the family. No one needs a lengthy history lesson here but the roots of our current violent, unfair existence in the Global North West are based on the amalgamation of Christianity and The Industrial Revolution aka the move from Feudalism to Capitalism. In a way it is one of the deepest cons to humanity that “we” have via colonialization, read violence, enforced this on large parts of the world. To this day, across Europe and North America, this model of existence receives the greatest privileges, as in the least amount of obstacles put in place by society, in comparison to anything outside of what most of us grew up with.
An important side note here is that I am criticising the system, not the individual. A comparison is the criticism of capitalism whilst having to exist in capitalism. I know plenty of people that live, happily, in heteronormative, monogamous relationships and this isn’t an attack on their choice, but rather, and most explicitly the fact that this idea is the one with the most privileges, as well as anything else outside of this idea existing with the constant threat of disdain to murder in our societies. Just so we are clear on that.
I don’t believe monogamy and heteronormative relationships are healthy and the emphasis of this statement lies on the personal experience and notion. This subject is deeply personal and there is no blanket solution other than total equality for all ideas and wishes of humans within our society. There is no binary solution to this either, other than, and again, a total state of equality, this includes healthcare, taxation, legality, parenthood to name a few. Simply put, just because I think the perceived norm is supportive of capitalism, abolishing it will end capitalism. No. Far from it, nothing is that simple, however, granting true equality will be a major step in removing the violent, vertical, patriarchal system that upholds and justifies exploitation, that we have moralized within capitalism - and thanks to Christianity’s wonderfully monetized concept of “Confessions” we can even absolve ourselves of that. That’s, however, only one side of the story.
From within the marxist world view, simply analyzing and working towards solutions within our own communities ignores the fact that the concept of states, communities and so on is reactionary, counter-revolutionary even, as the world is divided by class, not nationality. With that, how does this train of thought then apply to the Global South- essentially the rest of the world we Europeans colonized and forced this construct onto, most often through violence and in direct opposition to alternative interpersonal structures? Truthfully, I do not know enough about interpersonal structures outside of Europe to put out any authoritative statements here, but I know enough that our “way” certainly wasn’t and isn’t the only way, and that other matriarchal, anarchistic concepts have and do exist. From personal experience I can only speak on the few experiences I made within the EZLN, the indigenous regions in Chiapas and Oaxaca, Mexico. Again, for full disclosure and perspective.
Fact is, the fight against the core foundation of capitalism and imperialism has been in full swing on the fringes of the European/North American Empire for decades. As I mentioned in an previous email, our role isn’t to criticize and actively influence the struggle of the people our system oppresses, but to fight the system from within. The duality of this struggle against capitalism then necessitates a system of mutual aid in which we, with the greater financial and factual resources can offer aid, if wanted and without expectations of an exchange, to the struggles on the fringes of our Empire. Again, simply put, yes, let’s totally destroy the punitive, violent institutionalized heteronormative monogamy and establish a truly equal reality for all ideas of partnership, parenthood and communities. That’s our part. Don’t waste time on attacking your friends who participate freely in this model if they are happy. Rather engage them and get them to fight for equality of those who chose not to do this, if they aren’t already part of the gravy train.
That’s essentially where my head is at these days. It has taken time, a lot of pain and costly mistakes and only through the help of my friends have I been able to rationalize myself into this current position. Sure, deciding to understand this and work towards other, non-hierarchical options cuts through all the bullshit our societies have created that exist to avoid the real tough questions, i.e. are you happy alone. Fuck, so much of our literal, physical day-today-realities are based on the need for this type of relationship model- not sure about you, but I don’t know too many people that can afford rent by themselves in the city, if you catch my drift. Just a few months ago I was looking for a new place here in Hamburg and was often turned away simply because I was a single father, which for whatever reasons led a lot of landlords to believe I was somehow unstable - or more unstable than the couples that got the apartments instead of me. Scarily, I haven’t even brought the question and reality of race into this train of of thought. I am white. Now imagine that not being the reality on top of everything else. Puh. There is work to be done comrades because this shit, ain’t it, and it certainly isn’t the best we can come up with.